Like many who had the opportunity to view the Union in Seattle on Saturday, I was left without words.
Leaving the analyzing of lineups and formations to others, what I’d like to do is ask you all, seriously, “Who should come here?”
I’ve heard we don’t have any money for DP’s (Why? Does Pajoy cost 4 mill a year? If so we should call him PaPAIN, though we should probably do that anyway). So, since our team doesn’t have any money or many goals, maybe we should just have some fun.
Way back in 2008, I wrote a list of my own big name hopes. I assumed as soon as we got a club, fancy names would be falling all over themselves to get here. After all, Philly, two years before we had a team, already had a fan base and major market exposure.
Here’s the “5 Guys the Union Will Probably Get ASAP” list I wrote four years ago:
- Raul – This was around the time Real Madrid was starting to bring in all those heavy hitters. With Raul’s wife “fond of the USA” I felt he was on the way. Heck 2008 version of me thought Raul was in the air already!
- Clarence Seedorf – The rumors, and the Union big Cheese Nick Sakiewicz apparently had met with him? Great, we’ll see him here!
- Michael Owen – You know, I’m a Liverpool fan too so I imagine that my excitement over Philadelphia Soccer had made me too giddy to remember that MICHAEL OWEN IS THE DEVIL. Also, in 2008 I became a first-time Dad so I wasn’t sleeping, logic had waved bye bye to me.
- Original Brazil Ronaldo – Back before his move to Corninthians, there was MLS talk. Of course, I figured Ronaldo would love to come here. After all he and Beckham were BFF’s at Real Madrid. Why not be BFF’s in MLS, too? Ronaldo and Becks could hang out at Flyers games and what not. Maybe go get a cheesesteak at Tony Lukes.
- Zidane – OK, OK, this was far fetched. But in “2008 Version of Tim’s” defense, Zidane was spotted at a Knick’s game in New York, and was in 2007 rumored to also be there to talk deal with the Red Bulls. Also, there was Chicago talk. So, big market MLS+Zidane rumors = He’d love it here! He’d be a mummer! (Insert headbutting mummer joke here, it’s just too easy)
OK, so that was my “list” when we were awarded our brand new expansion franchise. So, let’s re-write this thing after a dark weekend in Year 3, where Liverpool lost the FA Cup right before the Union lost in Seattle, with zero shots on goal. (I know the Pajoy mess was considered a “shot on goal” but I think the stat guy simply took pity on us.)
- Raul – Well, in 2008 he was rumored to be out of contract. Now it’s 2012 and—lookeee, lookeeeeee—he’s out of contract and he’s still No. 1 on my list. And let’s just say I took one for the team, and may have had some fun on FIFA and made this transfer already happen. How’s he look? As you can tell from the featured image above, pretty sharp. (Side note, he’s really good on the Union, I pair him with Le Toux. What, just because the real Union gave up on him doesn’t mean my video game Union had to!) Wednesday will be his last game in a Schalke uniform. Somebody get him a Union jersey, stat!
- Seedorf – Also to be rumored on the way out of AC Milan, though the MLS rumor has been a constant for the last four years. Also, if Seedorf leaves he may bypass MLS and ply his trade in Brazil, where his wife is from. Though don’t count him out.
- Michael Owen – Since the 2008 list, he’s played on at least two teams, and has had more injuries than you can shake a stick at. Plus, he’s the devil. Plus, his injuries are so big I bet he’d land in Philadelphia to a fine Union fan greeting and then his head would fall off. Literally. So, let’s replace Owen here. In my head, I’d always hoped that Robbie Fowler would come to Philly, not as a DP type but more of a Paunovic type. Little depth, lot of knowledge, couple fun goals. And, I’ve always wanted to hear the fans and the River End sing the “We All Live In a Robbie Fowler House” song in unison to the tune of Yellow Submarine. Come on, you know that would be fun.
- Original Ronaldo - Called it quits and now apparently spends as much of his time as possible tampering with Neymar’s career. Let’s fill this slot with…Hmmmm, let’s think. Who’s a Brazilian superstar, looking to leave his club this summer and has also won a World Cup. Oh! OK, Ronaldinho, get on the bus! (Shot in the dark, but we need some fun after Saturday.)
- Zidane – OK, he was waaaaay retired by the time we got a team. However, he did recently admit that he’d like to coach a team one day. So, I’m just putting that out there.
So that’s my now updated list. Feel free to put a list together of of your own below. Try to go for “possibles”—not Messi, let’s try to make this as “well… it could happen” as possible. Del Piero? Raul? Have some fun and don’t forget to keep your head up.
Get ‘em Union. You’ll never DOOP alone.